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Motherhood is great and beautiful and all those glorious things, but it’s also overwhelming as heck. Many mothers feel guilty admitting their frustration when it comes to typical tasks such as the never-ending laundry and breaking up silly bickering matches. However, those feelings of frustration are absolutely normal and no one should ever feel guilty for feeling their emotions.
Especially when they’re pouring over.
Every pregnancy and transition into motherhood is unique. This cliché too is quite overused, but it’s the truth. Every human responds to changes differently, but sometimes those changes impact friendships in emotional, unexpected ways.
One of the major things I learned early on in motherhood was traveling would be much tougher moving forward. No longer would I just quickly slip on my shoes, grab my phone, grab my keys, and be out the door. No longer could I decide to head out-of-town for the weekend last minute. No longer would a quick trip to the grocery store be just that – a quick trip.
Good thing I recognized this truth early on because, man, was I right.
Mom-guilt. Mom-shaming. These two phrases did not make a noticeable impact on my life until I discovered I was pregnant. They trickled their way into my every day existence through social media and family members or articles and friends. Of course, I knew about them since they were popular sayings being thrown all over social media, blogs, and podcasts. However, they did not hit close to home until I personally experienced the mom-guilt myself.
My second favorite thing in the morning is Mommee Coffee! First is waking up to a healthy husband and child. 😍 Photos courtesy of Milas Breakables @milas_breakables, winner of our March Giveaway from our Mommee Coffee Real Stories feature. Check out her photos and find out how you can win free Mommee Coffee!
Before becoming pregnant, I worked as a Medicaid Service Coordinator for almost three years for an agency that supported families who had a child with either severe medical diagnosis or disability. Even before then, I worked in the mental health, special education, and human services field for several years. I had learned the ins and outs of providing supports to families who needed them most. These supports ranged from helping families find ways to put dinner on the table to helping create a modified bathroom to suit a wheelchair-bound individual. Many, or most, of my clients had Medicaid and with this insurance, they were able to access supports and services to benefit their family’s specific needs – whatever they were.
Being a mom of twins, I walked into motherhood knowing comparisons would probably happen. I also knew it was something I had to do my best to stray away from. I have officially learned how difficult it is not to compare your children and not to compare yourself to other moms – even when you try desperately not to. Every single day, I make comparisons and every single day, I try to stop myself. This has become an ongoing battle and simply knowing other people genuinely fight this same battle makes it a little bit easier of a pill to swallow.
However, it still leaves me feeling like one heck of a guilty mom.
Bonding with Baby: It Doesn't Always Happen Right Away. This truth is a tough one for many women to admit. However, it is a truth that needs to be discussed openly. Too many women believe they need to feel that immediate wave of emotions the second they lay eyes on their baby. They believe they should know absolutely everything about their baby within that first week. They think they should feel this overwhelming, overflowing amount of love every second of every single day.
The truth is, many moms don’t feel any of those things for many, many months – and it is completely normal.
Finding time for yourself, away from motherhood, is not an easy task. It also shouldn’t be seen as a task, but more times than not – it is. As a mom of one-year-old twins, I have struggled over the months to find time for myself. Their needs come first, as they should, but sometimes that leaves a new mom to get smacked in the face by “Baby Blues” or to force aside her own interests and hobbies. While I was able to still intertwine some of my hobbies into my schedule early on, I also had to push aside some of them. This brought forward a deep depression and made me feel less like the confident, secure person I had sculpted myself into over the years.
Even before the girls were born, people asked me about how I would handle favoritism and the sharing of attention between my twins. For parents who have more than one child, this concept can come up in conversation often. At first, I was nervous. Would I have a favorite? Would I not be able to show my babies equal attention? Would it be harder than I thought it would be?
Well, of course it would be hard – that’s just motherhood in a nutshell.
I was told during my pregnancy that being a mom of twins would be different than being a mom of a singleton. At first, I really didn’t know what that meant because this was my first time stepping foot into motherhood. I didn’t know what to expect and all I knew was what I was experiencing. Of course, it wasn’t easy. However, it was all I knew.
The starting line begins with Halloween and the finish line ends with New Year’s Day. The “Holiday Race” has officially begun.
This time of the year can be just as exciting as it is stressful for many parents. While many moms may love putting together creative costumes and buying every decoration they see, anxiety may also be very present. Between the planning and purchasing that goes into the holidays, parents may find this time of the year quite stressful when it should be enjoyed with loved ones.
So, how do you make it to the finish line?
Maternity leave has run out. Your boss wants you back. It brings tears to your eyes just thinking about it, but the time has come to return to work. Ugh! And on top of adjusting yourself the change, now you also have to prepare your child to start daycare. Here are five ways you can prepare for your child’s first day at daycare.
It can be incredibly tough embracing your postpartum body. The saggy skin. The scars. The stretch marks. It isn’t the body you were used to before your pregnancy and will most likely not be that body ever again. However, there is a sentence many “Mom Bloggers” are using on social media to help build a positive “Mom-Bod” mindset when it comes to facing your postpartum body. This sentence not only rings true, but can help build a different, more positive thought process when looking in the mirror.
When looking at your postpartum body, think this: “This is the result of my successes, not my failures.”
Between facing mental health battles as a teenager to facing similar struggles during pregnancy, one thing is for sure – life doesn’t hand you what you can’t handle. Clichés are often overused, but some do hold a lot of truth. I’ve conquered quite a few demons in my lifetime: cancer, self-harm, suicide attempts, depression, anxiety. I’ve managed to make it through those difficult times and learn from them – something some people, unfortunately, do not. The dark hole of mental illness is a dark hole, but there truly is light at the other end.
With the courage “Mom Bloggers” have recently shown when posting their personal “1 in 5” stories on Instagram, I felt encouraged to share my personal “Mental Health Mama” story as well. Being someone who has struggled in the past with depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideations (as well as attempts), I felt drawn to this viral hashtag and the message attached to it.
1 in 5 Americans Struggle With Mental Illness
The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that “1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness in a given year.” Many “Mom Bloggers” have taken to Instagram to share their personal mental health stories by involving this statistic as a hashtag. Putting yourself out there isn’t for everyone, but for those who do it carefully and appropriately are strong, courageous individuals – such as the following “Mom Bloggers.”
Like with anything else, pregnancy gets easier the more you do it! Here I am 37 weeks pregnant with my 3rd girl, and I have finally managed to have (dare I say) an enjoyable pregnancy. And even though my body stayed relatively fit and healthy with the last 2, I think I have struck a balance with this one that has allowed me to enjoy the ride. I chalk it up to staying present and mindful along the way.
Hi, I'm Sarah, I handle Mommee Coffee's Instagram account (@mommeecoffee - follow us!) and I'm also an artist and mom. I live in Philadelphia with my husband Eric, our son Fritz, and too many cats to name. I'm a photographer by training, but over the years I've expanded my repertoire to include illustration and writing. "Triangle and Circle" is my first children’s book, and the first of a forthcoming series of books.
How did you feel when you first heard about Mommee Coffee? Did you find it on your own or did a friend share with you? You’ll love these responses from our Mommee Coffee lovers when they first discovered our low-caf, low-acid coffee options. Maybe one of your comments is even on the list!