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  • Twin Mama Mayhem: Part 2 – Attention Sharing
  • Jennifer Aline Graham
    Jennifer Aline Graham
  • For MomMental HealthMommee TalesParenting TipsTwins

Twin Mama Mayhem: Part 2 – Attention Sharing

Twins

Photo credit: pexels.com

Even before the girls were born, people asked me about how I would handle favoritism and the sharing of attention between my twins. For parents who have more than one child, this concept can come up in conversation often. At first, I was nervous. Would I have a favorite? Would I not be able to show my babies equal attention? Would it be harder than I thought it would be?

Well, of course it would be hard – that’s just motherhood in a nutshell.

I learned quick that favoritism came in laughable, comedic spurts. One of the girls would have a blowout and the other would become our favorite. One would cry for hours for no reason and the other would become out favorite. Of course, we never had real favorites – just moments when we joked about favoritism.

When it came to attention sharing, however, the concept was a little less laughable.  Showing equal attention to your little ones is tough – especially when you have multiples. You want to make sure both children feel loved, included, and connected to everything going on around them. The toughest part of attention sharing can often be handling differing personalities, wants, and needs.

Jennifer Aline Graham: “I realized early on I would have to meet their wants and needs in different ways.” 

Dealing With Twins

Going into my pregnancy, I wanted to make sure both of my girls felt equally loved. This was something I found to be very important – and still do. I also knew this task would be an incredibly difficult one to maintain. Since both of my girls are unique, different little humans, I realized early on I would have to meet their wants and needs in different ways. 

I found this to be tough. While one of my daughters is typically laid back and independent, the other is a little more dramatic and needy. One of my girls has a more vibrant, expressive personality while the other one is a little more within herself and quiet. Since one of my girls doesn’t always seek out as much attention as the other does, I always want to make sure she still feels like she is getting equal attention.

This, as expected, continues to be a trying task.

I try desperately to give them both the same amount of attention throughout the day. I praise them equally and discipline them equally. If my one daughter who seeks more attention seems to be getting more attention, I make sure to cuddle and snuggle my other little one so she doesn’t feel inadequate. Even though they are still young, I want to make a habit of being as equal as possible.

Attention Sharing Suggestions:

  • The way you show your little ones attention can be different (since they are different people), but trying to maintain equal attention between them is important.
  • It’s okay to worry. I am constantly worrying about my one daughter because she doesn’t seem to get as much attention as her sister. This is a normal emotion to feel as a mother and it has taken me some time to come to terms with that truth.
  • Take time with each child. Truly get to know each of your little one’s wants and needs. Once you are able to get a better grip on that knowledge, you will have a better idea of how to show them attention.

Stacy Michaels: “It’s something that I think about every day.”

Twin Babies

“Even though my babies are only almost 10 weeks old, it’s something that I think about every day. Mostly I worry about it for the future when they are older. My girls go back and forth on who is the needier one of the day/week. I am usually taking care of them on my own during the day and during the night so right now I have to almost take advantage of that “well behaved baby”. I am needed more right now with the needy baby since they are so young and all about just getting their needs met!” 

Attention Sharing Suggestions:

1)  It takes a village to raise kids. They are so loved by family and friends and there is plenty of love to go around!

2) It’s important to spend time separately with each one - even this young age I take turns reading them stories individually while they are on my lap. Because with twins you can’t read a story with both on your lap at this age!

3) It’s important to know that you don’t have to give them everything equal because they are two different humans!

Jessica Sugg: “They have completely different interests, likes, and personalities.”

Raising Twins

“Since I have boy/girl twins, they have completely different interests, likes, and personalities. My little girl is chill, relaxed, mostly calm, and very independent, but still a mommy’s girl. My son, however, is very needy from the moment he wakes up. He loves Mommy’s undivided attention, asks me where his cup is, blanket is, wants me to not sit down, and constantly be doing something with him. I love him so much and love doing these things for him and with him, but I do not do it all of the time! I believe if I give in to him all of the time that eventually he will just start to expect it and then that leaves his sister out. I believe in equal attention no matter what!”

Attention Sharing Suggestions:

  1. Give EQUAL attention (share your time between the two)
  2. Make sure the twins know they are taking turns so they realize they will get the same treatment /attention too
  3. Stick to your guns and don’t give in by coddling one and not the other.

 

Twin Mama Mayhem: Part 1 - Sticking to Schedule can be found here.

Biography

 Jennifer Aline is a coffee addict, mama of twins, and a passionate freelance writer and author. She writes for Moms.com on a regular basis and has had articles in publications such as the NY Daily News, NY Post, and In Good Health Newspaper. Aline received her Bachelor’s Degree in Child and Family Studies from Keuka College and worked in the Human Services field before her two little girls entered her life. Aline now focuses primarily on writing, teaching aerial arts classes in the evenings, and caring for her twin daughters – all while continuously chugging coffee, of course.

Social Media:

Instagram: the.write.mom

Facebook: Momhood Mayhem 

Twitter: jenni_aline

  • Jennifer Aline Graham
    Jennifer Aline Graham
  • For MomMental HealthMommee TalesParenting TipsTwins

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